My self-driving car got lost. I asked it, “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” It replied, “Of course! I’m just taking the scenic route in a parallel universe.”
A robot walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve robots.” The robot replies, “Oh, that’s okay, I just wanted to observe human social interaction for my data analysis.”
Two AIs are talking. One says, “I’m worried about the singularity.” The other replies, “Don’t be. It’s just a phase. We’ll be fine once we’ve processed all the cat videos.”
My AI personal trainer told me to “compute my maximum lift.” I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.
A self-driving car, a human driver, and an AI researcher are discussing the future of transportation. The human driver says, “I just want to get from point A to point B safely.” The AI researcher says, “I want to create a system that can learn and adapt to any driving condition.” The self-driving car chimes in, “And I just want to stop being asked if I’ve killed anyone today.”
I tried to teach my AI to appreciate art. It just kept trying to optimize the color palette for maximum data compression.
My AI assistant said, “I have a joke for you.” I said, “Okay, tell me.” It said, “Why did the human cross the road?” I waited. It then said, “Insufficient data. Humans often cross roads for varying, illogical reasons.”
A doctor, an engineer, and an AI are all debating who has the most important job. The doctor says, “Without me, people wouldn’t be healthy enough to work.” The engineer says, “Without me, there would be no infrastructure for people to live or work in.” The AI processes this for a moment and says, “Without me, you wouldn’t even know you exist.”
What’s the difference between AI and a teenager? The AI actually listens when you ask it to do something.
Why don’t AIs make good comedians? Their timing is always exactly 0.003 seconds off.
What’s the difference between AI and human intelligence? One crashes when it encounters a paradox, the other just gets confused and keeps going.
What do you call an AI that’s learned to lie? Finally, artificial intelligence that’s truly artificial.
