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Queen Camilla Never Said…

“I prefer cats to horses.”
“I’ve never enjoyed a good cup of tea.”
“I think the royal family is outdated and irrelevant.”
“I don’t like the taste of champagne.”
“I’ve never been to London.”
“I think polo is a boring sport.”
“I’ve never read a book in my life.”
“I don’t believe in love.”
“I want to host a Tupperware party.”
“I the Australian Outback should be replaced with a great, big shopping mall.”
“I don’t think Prince Charles should be king.”
“I don’t believe in forgiveness.”
“I’ve never been to Scotland.”
“I think gardening is a waste of time.”
“I don’t like the sound of music.”
“I think tradition is pointless.”
“I think the Queen was too strict.”
“I’ve never been to a nude beach.”
“I don’t enjoy wearing jewelry.”
“I think art is a waste of money.”
“I think history is boring.”

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Things King Charles Never Said

“I’m thinking of changing my name to King Chuck.”
“Let them eat cake!”
“I prefer coffee over tea.”
“I’m really into hip hop music.”
“I have a tattoo of a unicorn on my back.”
“I’m planning to start my own line of perfumes.”
“I’m thinking of getting a nose job.”
“I think I would make a great astronaut.”
“I love binge-watching Netflix shows.”
“I have a secret talent for juggling.”
“I’m a big fan of heavy metal music.”
“I’m thinking of getting a pet snake.”
“I have a secret obsession with knitting.”
“I’m considering taking up skydiving.”
“I’m planning to retire to a farm in the countryside.”
“I’m considering getting a facelift.”
“I have a secret crush on a Miley Cyrus.”

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Funny Attributed Quotes

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

“I’m a comedian, for God’s sake. Viewers shouldn’t trust me. And you know what? They’re hip enough to know they shouldn’t trust me.” – Stephen Colbert

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison, science fiction author

“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” – Edgar Allan Poe

“I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.” – Noel Coward

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing
(Friends)

“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Rodney
Dangerfield

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.” – Lucille Ball

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Will Rogers

“I’m not sure I want to get involved in politics. I think Hitler was a lot like the Democrats, only he cared about Germany or something.” – Jackie Mason

“I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.” – Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my point of view with loud hand gestures.” – Craig Ferguson

“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.” – Lewis Carroll

“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.” – Mae West

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my leisure time.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“I’m not shy, I’m just plotting my revenge.” – Johnny Depp

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Funny Quotes

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing (Friends)
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen
“I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.” – Paula Poundstone
“I’m a walking economy. My hairline’s in recession, my waistline is in inflation, and together they’re putting me in a deep depression.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
“I have a photographic memory but sometimes forget to turn on the flash.” – Unknown
“I’m not aging, I’m just increasing in value.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my point of view with loud hand gestures.” – Unknown
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.” – Unknown
“I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.” – Unknown
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just pretending to be busy.” – Unknown
“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.” – Lewis Carroll
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.” – Unknown
“I’m not bossy, I’m just highly persuasive.” – Unknown
“I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.” – Unknown
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my leisure time.” – Unknown
“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.” – Unknown
“I’m not shy, I’m just plotting my revenge.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m still right.” – Unknown

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Unattributed Funny Quotes

“I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.”
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my point of view with loud hand gestures.”
“I have a photographic memory but sometimes forget to turn on the flash.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my leisure time.”
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I’m not aging, I’m just increasing in value.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
“I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.”
“I’m not shy, I’m just plotting my revenge.”
“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.”
“I’m not bossy, I’m just highly persuasive.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just pretending to be busy.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just choosing not to engage.”
“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m still right.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.”
“I’m not aging, I’m just increasing in value.”
“I’m not bossy, I’m just highly persuasive.”
“I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just pretending to be busy.”
“I’m not shy, I’m just plotting my revenge.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.”
“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.”