NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Archives - Page 2 of 2 - 500 Ways

The Criticism to Praise Ratio

It has been studied and documented that we hear thirty-two items of criticism for each item of praise! It starts when we are babies, ” Ooooh, your diapers stink!” or ” Can’t you keep out of trouble for even one minute?” Sure, we may not have known what the words meant, but even Continue reading “The Criticism to Praise Ratio”

How To Get What You Want

Just follow these five somewhat surprising steps to get whatever you want. This is not ‘law of attraction.’ These steps really work, as long as you actually take them.


1. Get clear on exactly what you want. One of the best ways is to have someone, a family member, a friend, or a trained professional, ask questions such as:

“What would you like?”

“What will having that do for you?”

“How will you know when you have it?”

“When you have it, what might you lose that you value?”

These can be asked in any sequence, repeated, and customized as needed. In a remarkable number of cases these seemingly simple questions can be nearly magical, letting you discover that what you really want might not be what you thought you wanted.


2. Be willing to color outside the lines. Billions of people want the same things as you. If they take the usual approaches, they’ll get the usual results. Oh, sure, some get lucky, but why depend on luck, when there are proven ways to get where you want to go?

One of the best methods for success for many situations is a mild degree of positive eccentricity. Experiment with doing things somewhat differently than others, and you will get different results. Of course, you’ll want to learn what works and what doesn’t in your field of interest, but then see how you can make adjustments, sometimes unexpected ones, and come out way ahead of the pack.


3. Many myths exist regarding confidence. It is not what people think it is. With confidence you can create great outcomes, yet it is not something to be had and you do not have to wait until you have it. Confidence is gained as you go. It is an acquired skill, built through practice.

The first thing to know about confidence is that you might not be ready. On the other hand, you’ll never be ready unless you gain some experience. Dive in and do what you fear, but do it on a small scale at first. Make a presentation to three family members, then a group of six friends, then a group of twenty, then a hundred, before you do a global webinar.

Once you have had enough experience, keep in mind that what you are doing is beneficial, and that the recipients want it. When I worked as a performer, I had no stage fright. That’s because I was thinking about how my audience would enjoy the show, rather than what could go wrong. Sometimes things did go wrong, but I just wrapped my comedy around those things, and they actually added to the enjoyment. With practice, you’ll learn to use mistakes to your advantage.

Perhaps you are in sales. If you have a product that you don’t believe in, you ought to find something else. When you absolutely know that your product is good, you’ll want your buyers to have it for their own good. That attitude is contagious!


4. Patience. With this one seemingly simple attribute, everyone can become a millionaire, as you’ll discover in a moment.

Most people drop out before they reach their goals. A few setbacks, disappointments, or embarrassing moments, and they pack up. Like the story of the three gold miners. They dug and dug, but gave up a little too soon. They sold their claim. Three feet past where they quit digging was the biggest vein of gold ever found in California.

J.K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter, was rejected by 12 publishers over a long period before one took a chance on her story.

An appliance repairman for Sears earned just a notch above minimum wage. But, he put 20% of every paycheck in the bank. He lived in a small apartment, ate frugally, and drove old cars. When he had $10,000 in the bank, he decided to learn about investing. He continued working for Sears for twenty years. Then he retired with millions of dollars. Now, he pays cash for a brand new Jaguar every few years and has free time to pursue his passions. There was no luck involved in his financial success. This is something anyone can do.


5. Stay focused, motivated, and on-track. This is the most important of these five steps. One of the best ways to do it is have a friend, coworker, family member, or better yet, a trained coach, keep you reminded of your goals.

An Unusual Technique for Coping with Office Politics

This little procedure takes just a few minutes, and can change your situation with your worst coworker, customer, employee, or even a family member in spectacular ways. It is not necessary to do this thing exactly ‘right.’ If you mix up a step or have something out of position, it is likely to work well anyway.

1. If your most vivid memories of this undesirable person involve sitting, arrange three empty chairs approximately as shown. If it was a standing situation, chairs are not needed.

2. Sit in chair A. Try to imagine your undesirable person sitting in chair B. With the parts of you that can do it, move yourself into your co-worker in chair B, and see the world through the other person’s eyes, hear the world through this person’s ears, and so on. For the next few minutes, you are this other person.

3. As that other person, you are looking at yourself in chair A. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel about the person in chair A? What do you think about that person in chair A?

4. Whenever you are ready, get up, and do something to break your state. Spell a word backward, walk in a circle, just anything to free your mind for a moment.

5. Sit in chair C and become an independent observer. You are not yourself or the other person. As the observer, what do you see, hear, think, feel about the interaction between yourself in chair A, and the person in B?

5a. Try imagining that your chair is very far removed from chairs A and B, and see if anything changes. How about if your chair becomes very close?

6. Break your state. Sit again in chair A, be yourself, and notice if anything has changed in your thoughts about the other person.

7. As necessary, feel free to repeat the steps of this procedure.

Creative Listening

A creative listener asks carefully designed questions to help people think about things in new ways. The results can be fantastic, resulting in inventive solutions to problems, overcoming frustration, worry and mild depression, or for learning new ways to relate with friends, family, and co-workers.

A creative listener does not have to be an expert in anything except asking questions. You can use Creative Listening not only in general ways, but can also help those who are in very specialized fields. You can use CL with a neighbor in your local coffee shop, in a professional session, or anything in-between. You can use it with friends, family, clients, customers, associates – anyone young or old.

The creative listener does not tell you what to do. The purpose is to help you sort things, make sure nothing is overlooked, take mental leaps, help you see and really feel the lighter side when necessary, and come away with a new perspective and hopefully with a renewed sense of purpose.

Creative Listening is essentially a tiny subset of NLP. It is free and unrestricted, takes about 10 minutes to learn, and is super-effective in so many ways:

* Helps others understand things they’ve been thinking about in entirely new ways, often resulting in perceptions shifted, problems solved, attitudes adjusted, and progress made.

* Understand things you’ve been thinking about in entirely new ways.

* Quickly establish rapport with clients, customers, teenagers, parents, etc.

* Express criticism in a constructive way without offending, and elicit changed behaviors.

* Help people feel better about themselves and their lives.

In just a few minutes, you can learn enough to communicate more effectively with family, friends, and yourself. In just a few hours of practice, you can become professional, offering your services as a Creative Listener to others.

Easy Steps to Creative Listening

Step 1

Respectfully challenge ambiguities.

You’d be amazed at what people leave out of conversations. Interestingly, many of these details have never really been analyzed by the speaker. So, when you ask for more detail, very interesting new thoughts can develop.

For instance:

If the person you’re listening to says, “Everyone says.” – You might ask: “Who specifically says that?

It can’t be done. – What exactly prevents it from being done?

She hates me. – In what specific way does she let you know that she hates you?

The relationship is in trouble. – How is it in trouble?

The situation is hopeless. – What is the situation, exactly? Or, What lets you know it’s hopeless?

You might think this rude or offensive, but in most cases, when you respectfully ask for more detail, the speaker is honored – knowing that someone truly wants to know what they are thinking.

Step 2

Ask questions that cause people to think about things in new ways. For example:

What would you like? This is a good place to start in many cases. Variations can include: What’s on your mind? What do you want?

What would having that do for you? This will often cause the speaker to zoom out and see the bigger picture – often for the first time.

And what would having that do for you? Sometimes the degree of zoom isn’t enough – even when you think it is. You’d be surprised what comes up when you zoom out twice.

How will you know when you have it? A surprising way to zoom in for a closer look.

When you have it, what will you lose that you value? This will typically bring the speaker to a dead stop for a minute, and can bring up all sorts of useful objections. Knowing those objections will reveal reasons for procrastination, hesitation, and de-focusing activities.

What’s the opposite of that? Another viewpoint that many people have never considered in ideas they may have thought about often. This can get them out of a loop.

How will your friends, family, significant other react when you have it? Another way to find hidden blocks.

What stops you? This can bring a new perspective.

If your _____ was a bathtub to fill with something, what would you put in it? This is just an example, you could use all sorts of similar questions here – ones that the listener doesn’t expect, which will jump them off their typical track – often with spectacular results. It can often help them to do something more useful or more productive.

Now that we’ve discussed it a bit, what would you like? Don’t be surprised if the answer is quite different from the original answer the first time you asked this question.

What good things come to someone who _____? Generally, this is a twist that opens new channels of consideration. The blank is often filled with what the person is doing now. For instance: What good things come to someone who does not start a camera store?

What would someone have to believe _____? Much like the question above, you can twist it backward, and be ready to hear some very interesting results.

What’s the first step to getting _____? This is a good way to zoom in, and see the first and most immediate objection.

What should I write here in my notes? This often elicits a more honest self-appraisal.

In asking all these questions, leave plenty of time for answers. Although at first awkward, you can wait even 15 seconds without saying another word. The person with whom you are speaking will feel the need to fill the silence, and may come up with something very interesting indeed, if given sufficient silent time.

You can ask these, and other questions, in any sequence that seems right. Indulge your curiosity. Don’t be afraid of questions that seem too personal or prying. If you ask these well, and follow the steps below, not only will you get the answers you seek, but the person with whom you are speaking will feel quite honored that you care enough to ask such deep things.

If the conversation veers off-track, you can steer it back by saying something like, “Thank you,” or “Yes, I can see how that would happen,” but then ask for specific information that’s back on track. For instance, if the person starts talking about exactly how he built a bookshelf, you might say, “I see you really enjoyed that project. So, what would you…?”

You can guide the conversation to what’s called a ‘well-formed outcome.’ Ultimately, you’d like the person you’re conversing with to state a desire in the positive, have it be something s/he can initiate and maintain, and have a manageable feasibility.

Step 3

It has been said that 93 percent of communication is non-verbal. You have experienced that. For instance, someone may say that their neighbor is ‘alright,’ but as they say it, you see their shoulders rise up, their facial features tighten, their respiration becomes shallow. In this situation, do you learn more from their words (‘alright’), or from their physiology? You can do a lot with this 93 percent.

You can build tremendous unconscious rapport by mirroring posture, gestures and audio tonality. If you wait approximately seven seconds and then position yourself the same way, if you moderate your speed, volume and pitch to sound somewhat similar, if you play back gestures, your listener will become more trusting, more willing to share deeper thoughts and emotions, and more willing to listen carefully to what you have to say. Don’t take my word for it – try it out. Surprisingly, you won’t be ‘busted’ unless you do it very blatantly. In most cases, you can mirror people very completely, and they never suspect a thing.

Backtracking is a valuable technique. This means that you repeat certain key phrases back to the person you are conversing with, generally several seconds or even minutes later. For instance, if your user states that something good is ‘tubular,’ and if you use that same word in a similar context, this will raise their comfort level – they’ll feel honored and heard. Backtracking is actually the opposite of a technique known as ‘active listening’ in which you rephrase what you’ve heard to prove that you understood it. Backtracking has the rather surprising effect of causing the listener believe that you really understood what was said.

Noticing physiology can let you know when it is time to shift gears. You can read when you’ve lost someone’s attention, when you have asked for too much detail, gone into an area that brings sadness, and so on. With practice, you can read where to focus more attention. For instance, as the conversation shifts to parents, you may see physiology changes that indicate something more needs to be discussed about a mother or father.

Step 4

Remember what you are trying to accomplish. Quite often, your story, your attitude, your concerns creep into the conversation. In many cases, that’s counter-productive. The moment you start coaching or telling your story, your effectiveness as a creative listener weakens.

Depending on what you wish to accomplish, you may not have to tell the person you’re talking with anything specific. Simply giving them the opportunity to talk freely can help them feel better, see things in new ways, and arrive at a more satisfactory conclusion, especially if you use steps 1 and 2.

So how do you make money with Creative Listening?

There may be more ways than one can count.

The first, probably most obvious way is to offer your services in person or by phone as a creative listener. You might consider charging $1 per minute to start. As you gain a reputation, and as more and more of your early clients call you back, I believe it would be quite realistic to charge $2/minute ($120/hour).

Reputation would be the best way to spread the word, but that takes time. To kick it off, you can do all the usual things: post flyers on local bulletin boards, attend meetings around where you live and hand out business cards to anyone and everyone along with an ‘elevator speech’ – a 20 second friendly introduction about what you can do for them with creative listening.

Or, you may prefer to work strictly by phone. This gives you a national, or even international pool of potential customers. You can advertise what you do in all the usual Internet ways: Via Google AdWords, create a blog, add it to your website, pay for space on other websites, and so on.

You can offer discounts to local or phone people. I’d like to recommend something like this: Tell them to tell the truth about what you do, as they see it. Give them a certain number of business cards in trade for a certain amount of service, and tell them that via the honor system, they are expected to distribute the cards in meaningful ways. As you are just starting your business, any client at all is valuable. Even if they pay you nothing. You get to practice, and you’ve got someone who will naturally tell others about what you can do. But, if they have been given 10 cards in trade for 20 free minutes from you, they’ll be even more inclined to spread the word.

As I mentioned, there are other ways to make money with creative listening. How many can you think of? For instance, you could teach it independently or via a community education system. You could ‘street perform’ Creative Listening. You’d bring two chairs or stools and perhaps an easel-mounted sign to a public place, and just get a volunteer and start a conversation. At the same time, you build and acknowledge a crowd, and eventually pass the hat. After your ‘performance’, pass your cards out, to encourage people to call on you professionally – now that they’ve seen what you can do.

You can also mix Creative Listening in with your with your other activities. You may be a coach, teacher, or perhaps a computer repair technician, and find that Creative Listening helps your business in all the ways where good communication makes a difference – which is everywhere!

Bill Clinton’s Magic

How is it that Bill Clinton has been so successful? During his eight years as the 42nd President of the United States, he instituted welfare reform to provide health care coverage for millions of children and managed a national budget that ended with a surplus. He left office with the highest approval rating of any president since World War II. After his presidency which ended in 2001, he has been described as the most influential world leader, involved in numerous peacekeeping and humanitarian projects, as well as authoring best-selling books. How has he done all this?
Continue reading “Bill Clinton’s Magic”