I tried yoga, but it was a stretch.

My workout plan is simple: stretch, overdo it, pull something, google symptoms, recover.

Why don’t all couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

Running outside is great because you get fresh air and the feeling that everyone driving by is judging you.

Personal trainers hate this one simple trick: not hiring a personal trainer.

I did a plank once. Long enough to reflect on my life choices.

Exercise is the only activity where you pay money to be uncomfortable while strangers silently compete with you.

The hardest part of working out is pretending it was “fun” when someone asks how it went.

Every workout has that one move where you think, “This is how people get injured in commercials.”

I love long walks… especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

Exercise? I thought you said “extra fries.”

I burned 2000 calories today. I fell down the stairs chasing my cat, but it counts.

People say “No pain, no gain.” I say “No pain… good! Let’s keep it that way.”