Comedy generated by AI

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Billie Eilish walks into a pet store, oversized hoodie dragging slightly on the floor. She’s here on a mission—to find the perfect weird pet. “Something unsettling but also kinda cute,” she tells the bewildered employee.

“How about a hamster?” he offers.

Billie narrows her icy blue eyes. “Too predictable.”

“A parrot?”

Billie smirks. “Too chatty. I don’t need competition.”

The employee hesitates before pointing to the corner of the store, where a single, unimpressed tarantula sits in a glass case. Billie gasps. “Yes.” She presses her face to the glass. “You and me, we understand each other.” The tarantula does not react, because it is a tarantula.

Minutes later, Billie walks out, victorious, with a new eight-legged friend in a small box. She names it “Little Nightmare” and immediately introduces it to her brother, Finneas, who, upon opening the box, lets out a scream so high-pitched it could be sampled into their next album.

“Perfect,” Billie says, nodding approvingly.

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