Ellen DeGeneres Quotes, Facts and Oddities

Quotes

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.

You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

If we’re destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there’s got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.

If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn’t done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit’s eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson’s eyes and ask him if it hurts.

We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity and bullying in the world. And I think if everybody focused on what we all have in common – which is – we all want to be happy.

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you’re gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I’ve gotta stop I’ve gotta come to my senses, I’ve been out riding fences for so long… oops I did it again… um… What I’m trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don’t remember anything else that I’ve said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we’re all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose… When you connect with that love and that compassion, that’s when everything unfolds.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you’ve never sung before, and you realize you’ve never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, ‘Life in the Fast Lane?’ That’s what they’re saying right there? You think, ‘why have I been singing ‘wipe in the vaseline?’ how many people have heard me sing ‘wipe in the vaseline?’ I am an idiot.

I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.

Our attention span is shot. We’ve all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don’t have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD – Too Busy Disorder.

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings.

I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that’s how it’s spelled.

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.

I’m not an activist; I don’t look for controversy. I’m not a political person, but I’m a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.

I had everything I’d hoped for, but I wasn’t being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn’t like me for being… me.

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that’s where us gay people come from… you heterosexuals.

I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they’re seeing too much. Everything is about sex, and that’s fine for me. I’m not saying I don’t like it. But I don’t think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there’s just no innocence left.

It’s failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.

I was raised in an atmosphere of ‘everything’s fine.’ But as I got older, I was like, ‘Well no, everything’s not fine. There is stuff that’s sad.’ I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes.

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.

It’s our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that’s what I know for sure… I think.

We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna. And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed.

I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion.

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up – you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny – it’s delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it’s not about you, that it’s about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

I don’t pay attention to the number of birthdays. It’s weird when I say I’m 53. It just is crazy that I’m 53. I think I’m very immature. I feel like a kid. That’s why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can’t do certain things anymore – like doing the plank for 10 minutes.

I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot.

Just go up to somebody on the street and say ‘You’re it!’ and then run away.

Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called ‘Changing the Inner Dialogue of Your Subconscious Mind.’ I’d never been to anything like it before, and all my friends were taking bets on how long I’d last with no TV, no radio, no phone. But for me that was the beginning of paying attention to all the little things.

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness – and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I’m a human trying to make it through in this world.

People love gossip. It’s the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.

I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He’s the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor’s wife right now.

I’m a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.

When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it’s hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn’t feel like me.

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

I would love for the world to be happier.

Even before I knew I was gay, I knew I didn’t want to have a child. I knew I didn’t want to have one. I never want to have to release it from me. Listen, I love babies. I love children. And I melt when I’m around them. I also love my freedom and I love that I can sleep at night.

I’m so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it’s different from what your neighbors believe in and different from what your parents believe in. Stay true to yourself. Have your own opinion. Don’t worry about what people say about you or think about you. Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.

If you’re going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to know who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don’t like you. No matter who you are.

I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.

What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that theyre actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger.

Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for breakfast, you couldn’t just go on the Internet and tweet it out. There was only one way to do it. You had to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, ‘I ate waffles for breakfast!’ That’s why so many people ended up in institutions. They seemed crazy, but when you think about it, they were just ahead of their time.

I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Who’s to say what’s better or worse anyway? Who’s to even say what’s normal or average? We’re all different people and we’re allowed to be different from on another. If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don’t curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hate. That’ll show them.

I think anybody who wants to be president has to be a politician, but I would like to find somebody who’s coming from a loving place instead of a political place.

I’ve been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it’s pretty equal. I don’t know why that is. It’s been the same thing for a while. It’s hard for female comedians to stand out. That’s weird. That’s a shame.

The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was – it really is, I have a career despite myself.

My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom’s not, and I’m not. But I believe in God, and that there’s a higher power and an intelligence that’s bigger than us and that we can rely on. It’s not just us, thinking we are the ones in control of everything. That idea gives me support.

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.

I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.

I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don’t care if it’s called marriage. I don’t care if it’s called, you know, domestic partnership. I don’t care what it’s called.

The only thing I really recommend, if you’re starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they’re unique.

I collect old portraits. They’re all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of wonder who they were and what they were. There’s a guy – I don’t know who he is, but he’s wearing a suit. He’s got his arms folded, and he looks like he sold insurance or something. I’m just wondering why someone painted him.

Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have a terrible sense of direction. Help someone who is trying to help you. Just help. Make an impact. Show someone you care. Say yes instead of no. Say something nice. Smile. Make eye contact. Hug. Kiss. Get naked.

If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move.

I’d like to be more patient! I just want everything now. I’ve tried to meditate, but it’s really hard for me to stay still. I’d like to try to force myself to do it, because everybody says how wonderful meditation is for you, but I can’t shut my mind up. So patience and learning is the key.

Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don’t even have to be an issue.

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn’t enough. You also have to move the chair.

Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up the show because people thought no one would watch it because I’m openly gay.

I’m a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you’re supposed to feel all kinds of things.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.

The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball.

I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal – because I’m not hiding anything from them.

I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms.

You say you’re sick and tired of hearing about me? I’ve got news for you: I’M sick and tired of hearing about me.

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.

Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule.

People give me such a hard time because I don’t wear dresses. What’s that got to do with anything?

I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous.

Now,I’m no scientist, but I know what endorphins are. They’re tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain, you hear what they’re saying and that boosts your health and happiness. “Knock Knock… Who’s There?.. Little endorphin… Little endorphin who?… Little Endorphin Annie.” And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.

Designing is my hobby. If I didn’t do what I do for a living – at some point when I don’t do this for a living – I’ll probably just do design work. I love finding really special pieces of furniture.

I’m probably the most honest person you’ll ever meet – to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-feelings honest. I’m sure if I lied about anything, it would have been silly, but I haven’t retained that information.

People love their animals so much so that they put little clothes on them and necklaces and booties and things like that. And if you love your animal, then you should feed them something that’s not dangerous for them. There’s a lot of poisonous stuff that they’re putting in a lot of that food, those by-products.

I know that every time I list something that I am, I am potentially alienating a whole group of people. Publicists and managers will encourage you not to say what political party you belong to, what you eat, what you don’t eat, who you sleep with and all that stuff.

Comedy can be, especially in a writer’s room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It’s not a nurturing place. It’s not like a lot of women are going to say, I can’t wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer’s room until 2 or 3 a.m.

I have an amazing team; I have amazing producers; I have amazing writers,;but at the end of it, it’s me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing.

People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children. We thought about it. We love to be around children after they’ve been fed and bathed. But we ultimately decided that we don’t want children of our own. There is far too much glass in our house.

For some reason, we can’t just enjoy somebody else’s success. Somehow, that’s going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less – and I don’t know why.

I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson’s show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.

It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they’re usually somebody’s. You know, I’m not wearing Kmart.

You just have to keep driving down the road. It’s going to bend and curve and you’ll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.

I was raised that you don’t use something nice until there’s someplace to go.

I’m a fan of people getting together.

True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.

Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.

I’m sure there’s somebody out there who doesn’t like Betty White because she’s short and has white hair.

Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside – to have a big heart and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.

I’m just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual. We can just be nicer to one another. It’s something we have in our power to do.

Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.

I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let’s get our priorities straight. I think we all know what’s really important in life – winning an Oscar.

I do have ADD and in real life, I’m all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I’d start drifting off… I can’t sit still too long.

It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.

I just like observing people – it’s something I’ve done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That’s a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.

When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.

I hate having to do small talk. I’d rather talk about deep subjects. I’d rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.

The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime’s Funniest Person in America. And that’s a really tough title to travel around with when you’re not even known.

While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I’d say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.

I’ve moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don’t move for the sole purpose of getting rid of stuff. I’m not crazy. I also move so that I never have to wash any windows.

Yeah I’m thirty-six, but on the show I’m thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.

There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don’t even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don’t seem to have time now.

Facts

(Last updated: August 8, 2014)

Full Birth Name: Ellen Lee DeGeneres

Born: January 26, 1958

Years old: 56

Months old: 703

Days old: 20,649

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Place born: Metairie, Louisiana, U.S.

Place raised: Metairie, Louisiana, U.S.

Family’s early economic position: middle income

Ancestry: French, English, German and Irish.

Mother: Elizabeth Jane “Betty” Pfeffer, speech therapist, real estate agent

Father: Elliott Everett DeGeneres, insurance agent.

Siblings: Vance DeGeneres, older brother, musician and producer

Current Residence: Beverly Hills, California

Spouse/Partner: Portia de Rossi, married since 2008.

Children: no

Height: 5 7″ (1.71 m)

Weight: 132 lb 59.87 kg

Pounds per Inch: 1.97

Kilograms per Centimeter: 2.06

Body Mass Index (BMI): 20.7
(18.5 to 25 is considered healthy)

Habits: does not smoke, veganism

Longevity
Estimated Years Remaining: 34
Estimated Last Day Alive: February 2, 2049

Oddities

Ellen uses her real name professionally, but most people don’t know her middle name. It’s Lee.

She has publicly announced that she is lesbian, which initially hurt her career. She is quite successful these days. It is hard to say whether her lesbianism has hurt or helped her career at this point.

Her partner since 2008 has been actress Potia de Rossi, who at 5′ 7″ (1.71 m), is the same height as Ellen.

In 2014, Ellen’s partner Portia, has had to enter rehab for substance abuse and their relationship has been troubled.

Prior to Portia, Ellen had a relationship with Anne Heche from 1997 to 2000 and Alexandra Hedison from 2001 to 2004. Both are actresses. Alexandra is also a photographer and director.

Anne and Alexandra are 11 years younger than Ellen. Portia is 15 years younger than Ellen.

During the first season of Ellen, it was named These Friends of Mine.

She came out as a lesbian in 1997, first on The Oprah Winfrey Show then in an episode of Ellen. Interestingly, in that episode she came out to a psychologist. The psychologist was played by Oprah Winfrey.

Ellen owns a record company called Eleveneleven.

Ellen dropped out of the University of New Orleans after one semester.

Before becoming famous, she worked as a waitress, a clothing salesperson, a vacuum cleaner salesperson, a paralegal, a house painter, and a bartender.

As Ellen was learning the stand up comedy business, she studied the work of Steve Martin and Woody Allen. Sometimes you can see their influence in her comedy and stage presence.

Ellen’s style of comedy is observational humor which portrays ordinary aspects of life. The general premise is that ‘it’s funny because it’s true.’

According to a Wikipedia article, when Ellen suffered a torn ligament in her back, she continued hosting her show from a hospital bed, saying “the show must go on.” Some of her guests were in hospital beds also.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have been vegans since 2010. That means that not only do they not eat meat, they eat no eggs, milk, or animal products.

Ellen is a strong advocate of Transcendental Meditation.

Ellen DeGeneres Quotes, Facts and Oddities

Table of Contents

Quotes

Facts

Table of Contents

Oddities

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