Relationship Archives - 500 Ways

World’s Fastest NLP Session

If you are unfamiliar with the magic of NLP, start here: What is NLP?

(I’m particularly proud of this one because it all happened in about two minutes.)

Jeff: What would you like?

Client: I still get along well with my ex. Well, no I don’t. Not really. Actually, that’s the problem. Every time we’re together, there’s a heaviness in the atmosphere, and a rising sort of frustration always develops.

Jeff: Does this happen with anyone else, or just your ex?

Client: Well, it used to happen with my mom.

Jeff: Used to?

Client: Not any more. We get along great now.

Jeff: So, who changed?

Client [after long pause]: Oh. Oh. Oh! Right! [pause] Thanks!

What is NLP?

At its core, NLP, also known as Neuro-Linguistic Programming, was originally about modeling successful behavior so that potentially anyone can have the skills of anyone else. What exactly is a financial genius thinking as she makes an investment? Master that, and you can invest the same way. Modeling top psychiatrists, psychologists and self-help gurus has been particularly successful.

That’s where it started. NLP has become much more, too.

NLP is the applied study of human nature. When well-applied, NLP is used to help yourself and others get more of what is wanted while honoring everyone involved. This is generally done by gaining new, often remarkable, understandings of current and desired situations. These are the most common formats:

Personal: Learn new ways to communicate more clearly, lovingly, respectfully, effectively. Help friends, family and co-workers when they are in need of support. Help yourself in many ways including better health, memory, personality, confidence, and so on.

Professional: Practitioners (also known as neuro-linguistic programmers) help clients discover blocks to success and happiness, and sometimes even health, typically in one- or two-hour sessions.

Business: NLP can be used to identify and repair less-than-perfect advertising and publicity. Use NLP techniques to create happy, productive work environments. With NLP, you can develop the best possible communication with customers and clients so everyone profits.

The process: NLP is more about learning to understand things from new perspectives than anything else. Often, it is about consciously discovering erroneous beliefs that we formed as very young children, and noticing how we have acted on those beliefs ever since. Many other times, it is simply a matter of attaching new meaning to things that we thought we understood. The Neuro-linguistic programmer will typically have a caring, honoring conversation with the client that involves asking specially-designed questions. Sometimes these questions cause wonderful changes all by themselves. The programmer may also offer metaphorical stories, reframing of perspectives, and anchoring. Anchoring takes many forms, such as a carefully timed squeeze of the arm, a bit of standing on specific spots on the floor, or a change of voice tone.

The changes can be remarkable. NLP is well-known for curing phobias, overcoming some addictions, helping with mind-body health issues, granting more confidence, or happiness, and ending procrastination. The changes are often permanent. (You can’t un-learn something. You can’t hide your car keys from yourself.)

There is also a negative side to NLP. It can be used badly by unlicensed programmers, it can be used to sell products, or for ‘speed seduction.’ However, like a pickup truck, it is innocent in itself. A pickup truck can carry bombs, or it can carry food.

NLP has its roots in many fields of research and practice, taking what works, and leaving the rest. The edges of the vast realm called NLP are fuzzy. For instance, you’ll often find NLP melded with hypnotherapy, law of attraction, the work of Byron Katie, Family Inheritance, and other pursuits. As your editor, I will attempt to bring you the most relevant and important information first, and work as far into those edges as is sensible. I am planning for unending growth of this website, and hope you’ll enjoy coming on this ride with me!

It is my intention that the NLP section of this website will teach NLP in its truest form, which honors and respects all people, and that you’ll not only learn NLP techniques here, but also the spirit of good NLP.

Take care! – Jeff Napier

The Criticism to Praise Ratio

It has been studied and documented that we hear thirty-two items of criticism for each item of praise! It starts when we are babies, ” Ooooh, your diapers stink!” or ” Can’t you keep out of trouble for even one minute?” Sure, we may not have known what the words meant, but even Continue reading “The Criticism to Praise Ratio”


Have you ever felt that we have this age thing backwards? Most people in modern society worship youth, but youth is only good because of its room for potential development. Age equals wisdom, an irreplaceable commodity that you can’t just buy at Wal-Mart. If nothing else, whether you are young or old, listen to what old people have to say. They have been around and know the best ways to tackle problems that young people could otherwise only guess at.

Love and Attention

Researchers at Ohio University accidentally proved that love and attention is good preventive medicine. They were doing experiments with rabbits to test effects of cholesterol blocked arteries. All the groups of rabbits got sick as expected except one group. Everything was the same for this group except one thing: Each rabbit in this group was being held and stroked by the student in charge of feeding them. Later experiments specifically involving loving some rabbits and ignoring others proved that the effect is real.

Albino rabbit, also known as ‘laboratory rabbit’

King Maximilian II

King Maximilian II was concerned about a possible duel between two young men who both wanted to marry his daughter. To prevent any such fight, he had them compete for her hand with a burlap bag. The objective was accomplished after an hour of struggle, when one suitor had the other firmly enclosed in the bag.

King Maximillian II, public domain via Wikimedia Commons